BROMANTIC
20 04 2008
Bros Who Are Too Close
I recently told a guy friend of mine that he should get over his “bromances” and settle down with a female partner.
He wasn’t sure what the term meant, so I broke it down for him…
There have been recent articles, including Gawker’s “Over Analyzing the Bromance” that speak on this topic. The gossip-based Web site describes Bromance as “close friendships between hetero dudes.” Pretty simple, right?
There’s nothing wrong with guys hanging out. Happy hours or watching sports from a living room is normal behavior and for the most part, acceptable. But apparently today’s men are over-exceeding the time spent together, and many women might think that’s a problem. 
No two relationships are the same, but with studies showing that the average marrying age for a man is now 27 as opposed to 23 in 1960, more women are waiting a little longer for these bromances to end. For the men involved in a bromance, I advise that you find the love of your life, get hitched, love your mate and see your boys every other weekend.
I agree that life is short and big decisions should be made carefully…but still I included some fun tips on getting serious:
Three Advantages to Getting
Over The Bromance and Settling Down:
1. Moving In Together: You can split the rent with your lady friend. Let’s face it, most couples (’couples’ can have various definitions) spend a lot of time in each other’s home. Moving in together can mean dividing cable costs, rent, groceries, utilities…The list is endless.
2. Marriage: Think about it as a business proposal. In addition to the aforementioned, you can combine your incomes, claim each other in your tax return and get loads of money back from the government.
3. Love: As corny as it sounds, everyone needs some lovin’ including tough guys who have a problem showing emotions. *mercedes sanchez
Funny you should say this because I’ve been thinking about a few of my friends with bromances, and it’s easy to stay so insulated when you got your boys who are either not married either or having a hard time adjusting to the married life. While it’s great that men are now learning things from women about building a support group for themselves, it’s also a little interesting to see more things that were once considered feminine to become part of the male dialogue (like man-bags, for instance). Anyways, good post. Made me think …
WOW, “bromance”. Joint income, marriage and love are all things we expect to eventually attain. But my girl does not understand why I would expect Willie to put in Feliciano instead of Hielman versus righty’s. Or why I would even spend two hours glued to a television set even after a game is out of reach by the 5th inning. My Bro’s don’t judge me after my sixth beer and conclude that any comments I make from there on out are null and void.
“Bromances” are becoming a problem for women but living life with a partner that has skewed your basic understanding of life because you now love romantically is something new to us. The love for the boys is familiar and a lot less work. Some ladies have noticed that time spent without their significant others is either time wasted or time that should be used to build on what they currently have. Time spent without our girls is quality time filled with joyous laughter and countless moments of unforgettable bonding.(I will not write no-homo after that last sentence because I don’t believe I need to, but I will make this comment so that we can all rest assured that this statement was written with no homo intentions) So please let us grow understanding that these Bro’s were all we had long before your beautiful legs suzie Q’ed into our lives. “Bromances”, ha…I hope this one doesn’t make it into the dictionary.
Mercedes, you are blogerifous.
(I wrote this from my BB so be nice with the grammar and spelling stuff Jack!)
Ok so I don’t really know where to start…this hits the nail on the head…(well for me anyways)…but some guys will not listen to your advice Mercedes (or anyone else’s at that) they have to figure this out on their own and that when you are in a relationship, your social life doesn’t end, it changes…women want to be a guy’s priority and when friends get put before you time and time again it causes problems. However, if a guy is not ready to be in a commited relationship then he should just stick to his friends and WHEN he matures, think about this idea…
And I want to note that I’m not saying that guys who choose either route are right/wrong…only an individual knows what is best for him/her.
I think there’s pluses and minuses to getting married, but I’ll start with the bad news first.
Given the fact that the divorce rate in America is 50% (http://www.divorcerate.org/), it probably makes sense for people to take their time while figuring out who to settle down with. Maybe this wasn’t such a big deal when the life expectancy was 40yrs old, but with people living up to 80yrs old and beyond, the commitment becomes longer and open to more challenges.
Roomates can split the same living costs that married couples split without the added expenses of caring for children.
As far as saving money on your taxes, trust me, you’re much better off registering a small business. You can write off everything related to that business from your car mileage to dinners entertaining clients.
That said, i propose these three benefits to getting married:
Greater blending of resources vs. roomates. For example, you would be more likely to buy a nice house with your spouse than your roomate.
Your spouse is more likely to take care of you during the event of unemployment or sickness. It’s sort of like an insurance policy.
It’s a lifestyle commitment. Marriage, house, kids, minivan/suv, family vacation, send kids to college, midlife crisis, sell house, retire in south, move into nursing home, the end. Most people want this lifestyle outcome, marriage sets them up for this.
I was going to get into a long drawn out comment, but I think Abe and Antonio covered most of the bases. I will add though that as a society we are constantly changing. With that in mind, if we are living longer is it not natural that we will get married later on. And as Abe mentioned with the divorce rate being what it is perhaps we should take a little more time on our life decisions rather than make a mockery of the institution of marriage.
I also wanted to add that you had some good points to bring up. On the other hand, with a “bro”mance outside of the point on love, for the obvious reasons, can be achieved. Not only can they be achieved, but generally with a lot less stress and one must keeep in mind as Antonio stated have been in many cases in place long before your individual romances came along. And I also hope this word doesn’t make it into the dictionary.
With regards to getting married and what not, females do not have until their late 30’s early 40’s to start THINKING about having a family; by that time if she wants a family (ideally) she should be in a committed relationship either a) with a family or b) have been trying to start a family as the possibility of having healthy children greatly decreases with age.
“There is a decline in a woman’s fertility as she ages be due to less frequent ovulation or to problems such as endometriosis. Women generally have some decrease in fertility starting in their EARLY 30s and it is normal for a woman over 35 to take longer to conceive than a younger woman.
One major reason for apprehension in a pregnancy after age 35 is increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities. Age-related chromosomal birth defects such as Down syndrome occur in only about 1 in 200 pregnancies for women aged 35. However, for women age 40 at the time of pregnancy, the risk rises to about 1-2 percent.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, about one-third of women between age 35 and 39 and two-thirds of women over 40 have fertility problems.”
Now, this may be part of the reason some of us females want to move faster than you males when it comes to committment and relationships…you guys have allllll the time in the world (and you know it and act like it) however, us females who want a family/marriage and all that comes with it do have a time limit (which may be subconsciously driving our actions/feelings).
first off this is my first blog… ugh.. ughh… feels gooooodd!!
i hope you can tell i type 90 words a minute!
lmao Bros before…. Jk JK jK.. I think this can be a valid point.. if your that girl who’s boyfriend/bestfriend/boytoy/dr. phil/______( fill in the blank) is everything to her… and she can’t find a girl( real friend) to hang out with…
secondly Marriage is
(1) a Sacrament….( for those who watched the pope at Ruth’s house)
(2) Not a tax break.. or a small business
( 3) LOVE no matter what… beer pong champ or not.
I hope you look in to why girls are not able to have SissyMANCES
PS.. what you think all those washingtons (single;$1) are for… no poker… maybe there are some females at these BROevents… we help get those brave indivials through college or pay for rent.. JK JK JK
once again i like..I like…
I must say reading this blog puts women in a difficult situation. Not only do men become valuble investments that seem to increase in value with age, but women seem to depreciate in value right off the lot. Having to speed up marriage/quality relationships because of unfortunate odds is not a burden we should be coersed into bearing. Being convinced that marriage can be a business proposition and a relief in taxes, as to sell us “settling down”, brings me to a sad but true reality.
A reality I will explain after this brief but extremely important question. How many times did you laides break-up with your boyfriends? (No matter the reason) How many times did you take them back? All this time spent by strong women attempting to prematurley feed us the proper herbs and spices to make us suitable for the now devalued meeting of the parents. Maybe we should have received more leniency during our younger years so that we could grow natrually. I know ladies, it is a slow, excrutiating and taxing process, but boy is the wine good after it’s aged.
The reality is, great men are hard to find young. Good men are hard to find younger. But, for us men great women are blossoming at rates thatcould statistically callenge the low-income families looking for affordable housing. (That last sentence was my attempt at sarcasm) Look around ladies, how many of you can honestly say your friends are good women prepared for marriage? You can pick out the girls that are thirsty for marriage but not ready for it.
The speices is evolving, conversations are deeper, individuals slightly more “unique”. The good man is now more complex and expects a women to be just as fascinating. So at the root of all this chatter I leave you with one last statement.
Are “bromances” a true reason for mens lack of commitment. Or are we making excuses for a much deeper issue.
Blogging rocks!
(Incomplete thoughts emotionally tossed into the world for judging)
Toni Baby!
Im back cuz it taste soo good!!!
I should be checking homework assignment but this type of action is too fun..
Dear anti-brolover,
I have thought long and hard about this and thought about something…
1- maybe you should just ask if you can go along… it wont hurt! most of the time the dudes never mind
2-maybe your might not be the one… its a hard idea to chew…but some guys might be on the fence about you and just need time away to think… this beats cheating anyday, wont you agree??
3-maybe your just boring….. let be real you might be good looking, and smell nice but really your boring and spending 2hr listening to you talk about your girlfriend or talk about your job/ your need diet… thats all boring…
i think also talkin to guys about what they should do is a big turn off and maddddd boring!
4- maybe it also about your boring friends…
that all for now…
this is cool…
JUST a thought how about all those girls who hate bromance… join us brolover on a night on the town…. or happy hr!
place: lower east side, ny
date: june something
time:4pm-whatever!
what you guys/brohaters think!
[Some guys] will disagree with this blog mainly because they are involved in a bromance. Why is that “bromances” exist well we probably don’t want to be with a girl…..and marriage is sacred and i would always say move in with a bf gf then engaged then married…..u never want to rush marriage…..and antonio’s point is extremely valid dude proably knew his best friend before meeting the female he’s in a relationship with so how can she come in and change the pic….great conversation starter mercedez
Great topic Mercedes. I believe I am the only married person that has responded so far. I have been married only for a few short months; however, I have been with my husband for 9+ years. I think part of our secret is that I appreciate the fact that he has “bromances”. My husband and I do not share the same group of friends, and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!! I honestly can not care less about what you guys do in your private time. In fact, I appreciate the fact that my husband gets to kick back and discuss what new issue was obnoxiously raised on the Family Guy (this show creeps me out!!!!), and I doubt that he is even remotely interested in what happened in One Tree Hill (my one and only vice).
Women: If you are seriously jealous of your guy’s bros- you need to reevaluate. Trust me, there is no competition. You share something with your guy, that does not compare to what he shares with his bros (Or at least we hope). Getting married does not mean that you give up your friends or freedom. Of course you spend a little less time with your girls/boys, but that is a part of growing up. It will happen eventually whether you get married or not.
While I have met a few guys that need to grow up some, I respect the fact that they stay true to themselves. You can’t fake a relationship. At the end of the day, if you rather spend ALL of your time with your bros, you are not ready for a relationship and your ex is lucky to be rid of you.
My advice is this… If you find yourself wanting to commit with someone who is committed to his friends, don’t force it! Enjoy life!! Also, take it from me, you can have both friends and marriage. In fact, I think your relationship will be better becasue of it.
Mr. Herrera,
I’m not anti-bros, man. I believe they’re important. I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of Bromances.
But I do agree that everyone needs a break from their significant other. Time for themselves and time for their family and friends.
I appreciate everyone’s honest input.
First off, I think this blog is amazing Mercedes. The articles are good, and conversations are crazy!
Secondly I wanna shout out my many Toni for putting me onto this site, I think I might become a regular.
Finally, I’d like to weigh in on the topic at hand. Allow me to split this final point into sub points.
First off, I think the term Bromance is funny. It made me laugh.
Second off, speaking from the point of view of a person who has been privileged enough to be a part of some amazing and history making bromances, G-City included, I would like to defend the institution of the Bromance by suggesting that it could possibly make a relationship with a female better. Depends on the nature of the bromance. Just as in normal romances, some bromances can be destructive or abusive Bromances. So you have to monitor your bromance, make sure its healthy for you.
With that said, experience forces me to read this article with a bit of suspicion over the amount of jealousy which is playing a part in women attacking the Bromance. Instead, embrace the bromance as something which balances your man out, gives him the proper amount of time away to continue to keep the spark alive. Maybe over time your man could incorporate you into his bromance, for a possible threesome of sorts. The possibilities are endless!
Hey Mercedes, it’s great that you’re getting this kind of dialog going from both sides. I’ll keep my thoughts short and to the point.
First, I think there’s enough time in the week for someone to spend with their significant other as well as their friends. You have to find the balance, but also realize that you can’t always please everybody. So if your girlfriend really matters to you and there’s love in the equation, you have to make some compromises for her. I’m not quite sure I believe moving in together will always benefit the relationship, despite the financial pluses.
For the ladies, if your man is heavily “bromanced” and you feel it’s affecting your time together, approach him without being confrontational. If he feels backed into a corner during your verbal assault, he’ll be wishing he was with the fellas. Work out some sort of weekly plan that is fair to both of you. Above all, communicate with each other.
Lastly, don’t pay any mind to the statistics on divorce rates. Relationships take work from both parties to keep that passion going — that’s nothing new, but it’s true. If love is truly there and you enjoy being around each other, marriage and moving together will eventually be next steps (though in no particular order).
By the way, feel free to take my comments with a grain of salt, as I am a single guy who works long hours, with little time for either
This is definitely a very interesting topic for discussion. The comments and suggestions that people have made in response to this topic have been very articulate and well thought out. I personally believe that this topic has no right or wrong answer. This is an issue that has to do with the self development of an individual. To say that the reason why a man will not settle down is because of his “Bromances,” (interesting word) is absolutely not fair! The last thing a man needs is to be pressured in making a life- long decision against his own will. A commitment such as, marriage is a decision that through time and countless experiences with the opposite sex good and bad, one can gain the understanding of true happiness. In some cases several experiences with the opposite sex is not necessary, like I said before it all goes back to that individual’s self-development and understanding of himself. It has nothing to do with spending too much time with your friends. I believe that women should encourage their partners to go out with their friends and express themselves freely because it is extremely therapeutic, especially if the guy has issues expressing his emotions, (tough guy) and the camaraderie that is built between men strengthens their insecurities which in return will help them make important decisions such as, marriage.
The fact that the average age for a man to get married is now 27 as opposed to 23 is a good thing. It goes to show you, that Men are taking their time and making wise decisions. Screw society’s rules on the matters of love. You make your own rules in regards to that issue!! As long as there exists consistent communication between a couple in turmoil and both sides are on the same page. If a women really, truly loves a man she can wait for him until there is no hope or signs of progression and in that case the man should have already let her know that his heart is not with her. (Not easy, but necessary!!!!)
Mercedes, great topic for discussion, definitely a good one….